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"The great majority of them don't spend any time in our area at all, or spend any dollars here," said Sen. Ron Silver, D-North Miami Beach. "I guess this is a way of recouping some of those dollars and it provides a source that would not have our own citizens incurring any expenses."

I supplied the italics to emphasize what's most wrong with Florida. We want everything, so long as someone else has to pay for it. We expect good schools and safe streets to grow on trees like oranges and grapefruits do.

And so we sock it to the tourists in sales taxes, never minding that it means sticking Florida residents, who still pay most of it, with the nation's third most regressive state tax system. Regressive means that the poorer you are, the larger the share of income that taxes take. Here, the poorest folks pay nearly four times what the richest do. When they finish repealing the intangibles tax, which is Florida's only remaining state tax on wealth, the imbalance will be even worse.

At least tourists will pay most of the cruise tax.

But it's one thing to tax tourists and another to gouge them, as Silver and the Marlins are trying to do. When the bill emerged from the shadows this week, it proposed a lusty $ 4 per day per passenger for each multi-day cruise that sails from the port of Miami-Dade. Day cruises would be exempt, of course, lest local voters get tapped.

It works out to $ 56 for a couple who book a seven-day cruise. If they take along two kids, that's $ 112. This is not small change. A new "port area improvement authority" would actually levy the tax, or "surcharge," as they are calling it, subject to referendum.

Come to think of it, this could be good for the Tampa Bay cruise business. Go, Ron, go!

The bill itself is one droll piece of work. Whoever wrote it must still have sore ribs from all the chuckling.

"The Legislature," it states, "finds that certain highly populated counties in the state are substantially affected by the cruise industry and other tourism-related activities and have the need for enhancement of areas surrounding major cruise ports through the improvement of existing facilities and the development of tourism-oriented facilities and other attractions, including professional sports facilities "

Translation: Marlins owner John Henry wants a waterfront stadium and the Legislature wouldn't tax rental cars to pay for it. Wayne Huizenga had no use for that idea, and Jim Scott, whose law firm represents Alamo, is still the dean of the Florida Senate.

Question: Why not tax ballpark patrons to pay off the bonds?

Answer: Don't be silly.

The really funny part is the referendum.

Question: Why bother the locals to vote on the tax - excuse me, surcharge - if scarcely anyone but tourists would pay it?

Answer: So Republican legislators, in their infinite wisdom and courage, can deny that they broke their promise to never, never,never, never raise taxes.

It's so they can say, "We didn't do it; the voters did."

"I probably would be okay with a public referendum if it's imposed only on the people of Miami," said Sen. Jim Horne, R-Orange Park, who as chairman of the Senate committee that deals with taxes is responsible for ensuring that it doesn't approve any.

The Miami-based cruise lines aren't okay with it. This could become one of those epic lobbying battles that are as mean, and as much fun to watch, as hockey or wrestling. The Marlins alone have 17 lobbyists on board, including such heavyweights as Oscar Juarez, the Senate president's close friend and former business partner. For the fees they'll pay, the Marlins could just about build their own stadium.

The cruise lines, it is true, are hardly sympathetic figures. They pay little in taxes relative to their presence and many of their passengers and crew scarcely set foot on the ground as they come and go. But that's irrelevant to the real issues: Should Florida be taxing their passengers for something that would afford them so little benefit? Should Florida be taxing anyone for the sake of yet another privately owned sports franchise?